Dissallusioned! (and can't spell)

Its not a good morning.

We've not got a support slot I wanted, with a singer I really admire. In my silly little brain, I thought he'd hear our stuff and think it was great and would want us to play with him. It was always a long shot, but I still feel really disappointed. Those sorts of bits of luck have never happended to my band and its now starting to feel too late. Yes, you hear from bands who struggle for years to get any recognition and then all of a sudden they get that bit of luck and they take off. I know in my heart of hearts, that ain't going to happen now. I'm even starting to doubt the whole thing of playing.

Also this week, we had the misfortune to play at the Rescue Rooms open mic. It was badly organised with shit sound and a crowd who watched their mates and then turned their backs to us. I've been doing this for long enough now to know thats what happens at these nights and really, we're too good to be playing open mics now. We thought playing this venue might get us noticed by them and we might get a proper gig there without having to suck someones cock. I'll still have to get on my knees by the looks of it......

Thirdly, someone close to me, i.e. a friend, has let me down and doesn't seem to want to carryout a comitment which he made to me first. He's lucky I'm quite mild mannered and will rather let myself stew, rather than saying how I feel. I'm fucked off about it but don't want to fall out with him.

The bright park is when I get home, my other half is pleased to see me and I have the most beautiful daughter who smiles as soon as she sees me. Without them I wouldn't be able to take these knocks.

I love music with a passion, but my love is waning. I have tried to be positive over the last couple of weeks which has let me enjoy recent shows more. But it doesn't take much to bring me back to earth again. I still worry about getting people to shows and thats a constant battle. We have a show in December where we've been told we have to sell 30 to 50 tickets, on a THursday night at an own of town venue! For fucks sake, what planet are these people on. In other words, I've booked you and thats the extent of my promotion, you do the rest.

I really feel like that when these upcoming shows are out the way, I need to take a break. 8 years of slog is starting to take its toll on me and seeing really shit musicians with zero talent getting recognition is finally wearing me down and I'm not sure how much longer I can do it. I get much more enjoyment out of riding my bike at the moment and am much more excited about the arrival of my new Simple, than I am about upcoming shows.

I feel really sad to be feeling this way about something I love doing. Yes I'm a miserable fucker but I'm also being honest with myself.

Lets hope something exciting happens soon.

S x